My mother would say this is all Murphy's Law... you know, if anything can go wrong... it does. I remember as a little kid... this would be where we yelled out "UNCLE" and it was all supposed to stop. So I sit here and tell you it has been one of those weeks...
We will start with last Wednesday... 15yr old had braces put on...(tax refund went for down payment...no ortho on dental plan...sorry girl...no drivers licence anytime soon for you...cant afford the school) and her first bracket came off after 4 hours. Before you ask...yes I have the list of everything she can not eat... we had homemade hamburgers...nothing on hers but cheese and mustard...no crunchy stuff there. Took her back in the next day...they said "don't eat crunchy stuff", ok really? Do I look that stupid?? anyway... she had to go back to ortho on sat to have it fixed. Off comes #2. Now I believe its crappy work on the part of Ortho, and regardless of the outcome of a beautiful smile...I will not recommend this company to anyone. (but they are what her dads insurance covered) She was at her dads for the weekend visit and He takes her and gets them fixed with, from the ortho... "warning...stop eating crunchy stuff". Ok...now you are poking the mama bear. Sunday she turns 16. No party..sorry, small cake last week with Step-dad and family...multiple B-days, no money...Bills due.. have been out of work since October. Can not find a job that will let me be at home before 9am and by 3pm to be with 5 year old. Having some behavior issues with this one... cause daddy has been out of town on business. She is not dealing well with that. She turned 6 yesterday. (daddy still out of town, missed it, and couldn't call before bedtime). Sorry, back to the teenager. Grrrrr, frustration levels to the roof...This morning... bracket #3 comes off. I call... sorry Miss receptionist lady... but I do utter the words..."don't even think of blaming this on my daughter...she was eating a nutra-grain bar" NO CRUNCHY FOOD HAS BEEN ALLOWED. They make me wait for Ortho asst. to call me back cause she doesn't come in till after 9am and the orthodontist is out of town. Ha ha ha. as I sit here typing... I am still waiting for the phone call. Mind you this Asst. is the same one who heard me last Thursday question what kind of work do "you people" do if they come lose 4 hours later? Okay now...breath Kim. Husband feels badly he is not here for support...and as we all are... is going through his own stuff not being home. Yesterday, woke up to gutter hanging off of house and making horrific banging noise...call to landlord to have it fixed. Checking account empty...need to put gas in car I cant afford to pay for... yes, seriously considering letting it be repossessed... I could use the $300 for other things...after all.. if I can't get a job...what do we need a 2nd car for. (sadly confessing...dodging phone calls from bill collectors... hey buddy...if I get it ...you will get it!) I could go on and on for several pages and this is just one week.
Alright now Kim...take another deep breath. I quietly sit down and pray...alright already God...I get it...I GIVE UP! As any other parent would, I can sit here and imagine him saying...its about time. I am not some religious freak...and yes I do believe in and trust God to fight my battles for me... I believe God is the ultimate Karma. However... I do admit... I do as they say "let go and let God"...than in my weakness and frustrations... I take it back. So yes... the undue frustration is my own fault... come on kids... 1--2--3--NOT IT... of course your not it... its MEEEEEE! Tell me you can relate??
Now I sit here giggling to myself, cause this sounds totally silly, but 10 minutes ago I could have punched someone. Had to sit down and pray...than take a hot shower and wait for Him to speak. I was going to write about something completely different today...but He is making a point... whether or not you want to admit it... you do it too. We all say we let go.... but everyone of us at some point or another can't leave it alone...we try to take back control simply because we think we can do it better...or faster on our own...or worse yet...we are under the delusion we can do it better our self...we don't need God... (heavy sigh here... yes... I feel as if I just got God thumped with his spiritual 2-by-4)
I have been a christian since March 10, 2002. ( I can still remember the exact moment...but that's another story). This is the lesson I still go round the mountain trying to master. Part of me feels with my husband out of town... it is my responsibility to keep things in order, after all, I am a grown-up and I want him to concentrate on his job, and not worry about us...and on most matters... it is up to me.... I run the errands...take care of the kids...do the laundry, dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, feed and clean the animals oh, and the kids... etc. You all know what goes on daily. God in his infinite wisdom is trying so patiently to teach me to STOP IT! Its not all up to me.
So today...10:51 A.M.... ( another deep breath) I don't have to worry... I am letting it go, I promise not to punch anybody...yes, this means the Ortho Asst. can now call me back (but really, don't blame it on my daughter and DO NOT MENTION CRUNCHY FOOD)... OH, sorry God! Yes.. from here on today I will behave. I will not try to solve anyone's (everyone's) problems... (yes, help me out here...please don't call me to complain...hahaha)
Really? come on, you've done it too... I know you have, even if you don't want to admit it. (please drop me a comment below...am I the only one struggling with this one?)
Today you get 2 songs, cause that's what I have been listing to all morning...
So lets all vow to relax, and really let God...
He knows already what the outcome will be, remember to give the glory to Him... God is in control! He will keep allowing the world to give us "stuff", but how we come out the other side is a testament to strength and courage in the face of pain, fear and frustration...
a test we all must take... some of us ... many times over, till we remember He is taking care of his children, and when we allow Him to, we are stronger for it. Its not up to us...and remember
-You are NOT alone
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