MYTH: Big girls don't cry

Fergie's song: Big girls don't cry... my favorite song of hers...Yet... a myth.  We cry, we cry often and we cry a lot!!!

I have had it said to me that God takes all our tears and keeps them in a jar. While I am not sure how biblically accurate that is, I do know that He uses tears to heal.

One of my best friends used to like to joke and say..." Oh no, God must be moving cause Kimmys  crying again". Yep that's me... the crier... doesn't matter the occasion... happy, sad, frustrated, and worst of all, I cry when I am angry... which in turn makes me angrier that people see me cry... so... yet more tears.. Wow, I used to hate that about me. Than I went through a horrible depression and shutting down period and scared myself that I couldn't cry.

happily I can say I am back, and in full tear mode once again. In case you missed my point... here it is again,

IT IS PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE TO CRY. Crying means you have feelings, and feelings are good, it proves your still breathing, and as long as you are alive...things CAN change. That being said, this in no way means I condone cry babies. Tear have their place, but whinny crying grates on my every nerve. So call this a bad parenting moment...but when my kids or grand kids start to cry... for no obvious reason I must add... out of my mouth and even their moms mouth comes the following phrase... "Are you hurt? (usually followed by a quiet no on their part) Are you broken? (followed again by no) Are you bleeding? (followed by the last no spoken in a little voice of desperation)... Than STOP CRYING".  Okay, I may not make mom or grandma of the year... but you get the point. You should have a reason to cry...there is always a reason it seems.

For me at least... tears are not a weakness... but a sign of surrender, which for me is strength. I am or was... most probably still am but not so much now, a perfectionist. "the ultimate Super Mom" if you will. I feel the need to do for everyone, all of the time. The mom all the kids friends think is cool... most all of them call me mom too. :-)  Don't get me wrong... I can be their friend... feed them, and treat them as if they were mine... and just like they are mine... I will tell it like it is. If your doing something you shouldn't be... I just may butt in. 

My family knows when mom is tipping the scales on aggravation mode. If the phrase screamed out..."your getting on my last nerve" isn't a big enough clue... they get that LOOK. Every mom has one... and husbands... you know it... its the one that immediately has you tune everything out. Some of you even leave the room. Thankfully I have the greatest husband! If he is not working, and he sees this... he usually takes the youngest one out for a bit to give mommy a chance to center herself. Our teen... knows when to escape to the upstairs retreat. Me... time for a good cry. Out on the porch with a cup of coffee... a hot bath/shower, or I have this stuffed frog I call Henry. I have snotted on him so often... if he could he would probably run away from home.

Whats my point to all of this? Its simple... go ahead and cry. Energize yourself again... find something you love to do and do it. I am a warrior. I will stand up for the lesser and fight when they can't. Mess with my kids and you see that Mama Bear out in full force. For me... God is my Bear. I run home to Daddy when I am weak. 

Sometimes its alone, sometimes its in the arms of my loving God given husband. But I cry. I have learned to be vulnerable. I FEEL. Don't shut off your heart from the world. Don't try to be so strong that you don't need someone. We all need someone. If this sounds like you... my best and most loving advice...STOP TRYING TO DO IT ALL ALONE!!!!  I can say this, because I have been there. I prayed for the hurt to stop, I cried, screamed, and fought with God. All along not realizing He had been there beside me the entire time. He sent me a Teacher...a Mentor...and 15 years later I am proud to still say a friend. (MM) went out of his way to teach me, and mentor me, and with his wife at his side, we worked together weekly for almost 3 years. Seems like a long time now, but back than, it was a lifeline that seemed a lot shorter then that. I learned to trust. I learned to feel. I learned to live. 

Someone is reading this and saying so what. You made it... whoopee for you. But you don't understand how hard it is for me. That's where you are dead wrong. I have lived through several lifetimes of loss. I understand more than you know. This is the reason for me to write this for you now. YOU are NOT ALONE. Maybe you do not yet have your mentor, friend, spouse... or perhaps yet you have not even learned to trust in God. Find what works for you. I knew a man once going through a 12-step program... they want you to find your "higher power". He didn't believe in a god. His higher power became an old tree where he would sit and thing. His alone spot. We all have something... some special place... as Winnie the Pooh would say... our thinking place. Know that whatever it takes for you to center yourself... use it. Do not shut your heart off. God is love, and He will put someone... or several someones in your path so you do not walk alone. You however, have to be willing to let someone in.

If your reading this and you know someone in crisis... just be there for them. If they make you leave... don't fight them. Walk away... than go right back to them until they trust that you are there to love and support them. When they push you away, lovingly push back. MM's favorite line to me was... "just give me 1 more week". If your reading this now now M...THANK YOU... I LOVE YOU for NEVER giving up on me... especially when I gave up on myself.

 Last night my husband asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this blog and "put it all out there". I told him the same thing I will tell you now. YES! 100% YES.  Someone out there is ....here. You need to know that someone else has been there. That there is life at the end of all of the pain. I repeat... LIFE at the end. You may be crying as you read this... if so, grab a tissue and know that you are loved. I don't know you, or perhaps I do... perhaps you are me. I have met several "Me's" along my walk. If I can help even only one of you to not feel abandoned... my pain was all worth it. For those of us who are still struggling to find yourself... here is my wish for you. That God sends you an Angel to help you... to guide you to find your peace. To walk beside you holding you up until you can take your own steps.... until you learn how to Fly like the Eagle God created you to be. In that place, remember this moment. .. than give back to someone else who will need you. Find comfort in this last song. Cause you are loved, you are cherished, if only in the eyes of your Heavenly Father you find your strength... but remember always... DO NOT EVER FORGET-

**you are NOT alone